REBELLION THROUGH INDECISION.
A quote caught my eye a few months back:
”In a society that profits from self-doubt, liking yourself is a rebellious act.”
This concept got me thinking about the other ways that society profits from our efforts to be the best version of ourselves. In a therapy session with a client this morning, we explored this together as they talked about the pressure they feel to decide if they want to have children. This is no easy decision to make!
They talked about the persistence of comments, questions, and intrusive pressure they receive from friends and family. They came into the session looking for clarity on “what should I do?” and we ended with “it’s okay not to know right now.”
If this pregnancy/child-rearing pressure doesn’t relate to your life, you’ve undoubtedly experienced this well-intended (maybe?) pressure toward getting married, taking advantage of a sale or discount, buying a house, getting a driver’s license, going back to school, getting a promotion…the list goes on and on.
Many of us are in a healthy place of “it depends” and “we’ll see” but are quickly met with a sense that our indecision reflects poorly on us as good people. Not necessarily because it isn’t enough for us–but it’s not enough for the people in our lives. In a rapidly moving world, the stagnation of indecision seems almost threatening to the emotional stability of inquiring minds. “What do you mean you don’t know?” “You better decide soon.” “Shit, or get off the pot.” Sometimes, we allow this pressure to push us into making a decision before we’re fully ready–which is something to be felt, not intellectualized. Of course, there are things in our life that we may need to do before we’re fully ready–like birthing a child, saying goodbye to a loved one, or stealing that last scoop of ice cream before your child eats the last bits of your Ben & Jerrys (or maybe that’s just me?)--but I think those circumstances are far less frequent than society wants us to believe.
Maybe you’re feeling guilt or shame for being indecisive. If high-performers or perfectionists surround you, their discomfort with your unknowing can feel smothering. What I fear we’re losing is the beauty in living between absolutes. There’s a magic there–where you allow yourself the grace of time. Marinating. Considering what feels right before making a move. Like all things human, this does have the opportunity to shift into an unhealthy pattern, like analysis paralysis, where you’re so consumed with options that making any decision feels impossible. That’s not as much what I’m talking about here…this is about the forced haste that we can succumb to when we crave relief from persistent pestering.
Take your time, baby. This is your life to live–you get to choose. All you need to do is make the next best decision based on what you know at this moment. Will you have regrets? Maybe. They’re a part of life. But they’re a whole lot better than rushing toward something that you never trusted was in your best interest.
Quick Tips to Rebel With Indecision:
Use phrases like “maybe,” “I don’t know,” “we’ll see,” and “it depends” confidently and often.
Work through some exercises to identify your Core Values (like this one) and make choices in alignment with those.
Embrace the journey vs. the destination. Reflect on what it’s like to not know for sure and sit with the reality of who’s influencing your decision(s).
Walk away. Excuse yourself from the pressure by remembering that speed is relative, and just because someone else is uncomfortable with your process doesn’t mean you need to change.
Speaking of change…you have no obligation to be consistent in your opinions, choices, or attitudes. We’re in constant motion and denying that is just turning a blind eye to reality. Don’t get me started! More on that in a future message. For now, rest easy. You’re doing a great job–just as you are.
