We started rough.

And it continued to be rough. But at least I wasn’t alone.

This morning wasn’t meant to be any different than any other Tuesday. The alarm went off at 8 am to get myself together before heading out the door to my contracted position 1.25hs away. But my eyes wouldn’t open. The cool and cozy spot in my bed was begging me to stay and it felt like I’d only gone to bed 10 minutes before. Two feet on the floor—I forced myself to get up. Shuffled myself into the kitchen, but the AM & PM were off on the coffee maker, and so there was no hot liquid strength ready quite yet. A minor inconvenience, I pushed the “on” button and kept going.

The next 30min felt like 3hrs, and by the time I walked out to my car, I’d yet to take a sip of my coffee and was already convinced that this was going to be “one of those days.”

Start the car…gas gauge on E. <insert deep breath>. Drove to the gas station, and a black cat ran in front of me (with a white tip on its tail, “so maybe it’s not as bad,” I thought). Let the gas fully hydrate my thirsty tank (and wash away my entire retirement savings at nearly $5/gallon), and when it popped to signal that the tank was full…

I’m not typically superstitious. But come on.

I see you, universe.

But I keep going. I’m on the road, and traffic’s okay, music’s on, and coffee’s cool enough to sip. Could things be turning around? Well. I’d thrown my hair into a ponytail to get myself presentable to leave the house. While cruising down the highway, said ponytail is instantly released when the elastic band spontaneously snaps and breaks. You can likely imagine the look on my face. Untamed hair everywhere and feeling like I look more like I’ve been electrocuted than ready to head to work at the largest pharmaceutical company in the world. Another deep breath. “It’s ok, we’re ok,” I told myself because I’d packed a little bit of makeup to paint a smile onto my nearly 40yo face when I parked my car at my destination. Then, I realized that I didn’t pack it.

All first-world problems? Absolutely. AND STILL—SO FRUSTRATING.

So my brain starts telling me that the end is near and today will be the day something traumatic happens. I didn’t say goodbye to my wife and kids, my friends have no idea that I see it coming, and there was nothing I can do because luck is conspiring against me. All I want to do is go back to bed—which would be okay!—but I worked from home last week after being exposed to Covid (luckily negative), so I felt the 2022 obligation of “not asking for too much grace” and obligated myself to careen into the abyss, aka driving on a well-paved highway to my destination.

I decided that if it were all going to end today, I’d like for some people to know that I love them and maybe they’ll even come to my funeral. I start pushing the “Siri Button” on my steering wheel to transcribe talk-to-text messages to friends and family. I don’t want to alarm them about my impending doom, so I keep things light: “Just wanted you to know that I’m thinking of you!” “How did that thing go that you told me about last week?” “Here’s a song that made me think of you and our (soon to be past tense) amazing friendship.” Ironically, against the day's odds, all the people I reached out to were within reach and/or in earshot of their phones and texted me back! “Thank you!” “It went well; I felt like a celebrity at the conference,” “I love that song, and I love you.” Without much attention, I started to notice how generous the other drivers were on the road this morning. A few of my favorite songs came on in a row, and I sang along. I found a parking spot within 15min of searching—a wildly lucky event at this client’s location. Today’s a great day!

WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?!?!

What started as Tuesday’s Failure to Launch was suddenly a great day??? It genuinely felt like things were looking up. Could I be onto something? Is it possible that instead of retracting into my home, my fears, my woe-is-me doomsday planning, a bit of connection with others had the power to turn my whole day around?!

No. The day kept going in wildly chaotic directions, chewing me up and spitting me out. Total shitshow.

But I didn’t feel so alone in the mess. I was able to insert the door jam of Radical Acceptance into my thinking before it all slammed me in the face— ”of course, this is happening…today of all days!” I even told a few people about some of the morning’s events, and they offered empathy, humor, and compassion. And I accepted it. I let their words soothe me instead of staying safe and grouchy in my self-protection. I even laughed at myself a few times and ended up chalking the day’s events to “just being my turn.”

No offense, but I hope it’s someone else’s turn tomorrow.

CONNECTION OVER PROTECTION.

We started rough.

I’m not typically superstitious. But come on.

CAPTAIN SAVE A CLIENT.